Study Camp

At first, I thought the workshop would be boring. But it turns out to be great. The trainers have a lot of humour as well as teaching us valuable life lessons that will remain in our life.

I had always feel that I'm tired of living. There are times I would feel that way. But somehow, there are times where I'm inspired by someone or something. It somehow tells me not to give up no matter what. There are times where we feel that we give up whenever we fall. But somehow, it's our choice to stand up and fight.

To be honest, I find it hard to be even truthful to myself. I don't really know who I am anymore. I have a pessimistic side of myself. A voice that always say that I can't make it. And the worst part is, there are times where I'm foolish enough I listen to it.

But now, I'm inspired. Giving up may be the easiest thing to do but it is also the greatest failure in life. Like I said before, obstacles are always there to stop you along the way when you fight to reach your goal.

Therefore, life will never be perfect. But yet, these obstacles made our souls stronger. It may be hard to reach the goal but we must achieve in order for our vision, dream that we imagine before we sleep would come true.

I may not come from the top class but I'll do my best.

The last session was actually very meaningful. To be honest it made all of us cried. We do have problems in life. But we can't blame, complain and give idiotic exuces just because we can't have a perfect life. There is always someone who is worse than you. You just don't know or haven't met this person yet. For things to change around you, first, change yourself. The things happening around you is determined by us. So don't complain.

There are times where we hated someone. There's nothing we could do sometimes. We can't change that person, but we can always change ourselves, either positive or negative. Every single one of us are selfish. We have to appreciate and apologise to the people whom we had hurt before. We would always think of ourselves first.I know it's hard to consider someone else first but we have to be selfless. Being selfish is considered a sin. Even if it's minor.

Moreover, one of the trainers taught us about honesty. For me, the TRUTH is very meaningful to me. Being a realistic person, there is only one truth. But sometimes, the truth are unbelievable. But we have to accept it sometimes rather than believing lies which make you happy. You'll be a fool. I would always accept the truth no matter what. Though some truth are hurtful, at least you know the truth. Only a fool would want to be surrounded by some lies. I can't accept to live filled with lies around me.

Actually, I really want to be honest with whoever you are reading my blog right now. There are times where other people are open to everyone. For me, I do wear a "mask". I was quite surprised that one of the trainers talked about that. As if they could see the real you. I must say that this person had gone through tough times.

The truth is, I do wear a "mask". In school, I'm happy with lots of smiles and laughter. But that is just a fake smile. Whenever I'm alone, I think quite a lot. I can't really sleep just because I think so much. Not about academics, but life itself. Whenever I reflect thing like that, I feel very weak and depressed. I hated it when I show myself crying in front of someone. I just hated it whenever I would show my true side to someone. I'd rather be alone when I cry.

You may think that I have lots of friends. But to face the truth, I don't really trust lots of them. I fear that they might betray me. I fear that they are fair-weather friends.

Speaking of that, the trainer said something really meaningful that every one of us cried. And I hated it. I couldn't believe that someone I had just known for less than a day would be able to reveal my true side.

At the end of the day, I felt weak as usual. I couldn't believe that I cried and everyone saw me.

Well, that's it.

June holidays....

It's now the June Holidays yet, I'm so bored. This is actually the first time I wanted to go back to school again....



The truth is, none of my friends came to my house to hang out with me. I guess their just busy then or didn't bother at all. I didn't even went outside or shop around in a mall. There was only once where my mother and my younger sister went with me to the mall to watch "Prince of Persia" and that's it. While the rest of the holiday, I had been sitting on my chair, staring at the computer.



Isn't my life so drab? I had been staying at home like the whole holiday. On the bright side, I can spend my time alone again. I like spending time alone on the computer, it makes time pass rather than being with some people who can't understand you.



Other than that, I spent my time doing homework and studying. You could say that my holiday is boring, which I would agree. But I'd rather be alone rather than spending time with someone whom I don't really trust.



Other than that, my best friend calls me to talk to me. To be honest, we chat for at least an hour.



Mostly, we would talk about trust. In fact, the more I live, the less people I could trust. It's just that, I fear of being betrayed. I know that not much people are aware of that. But as for me, I fear of being betrated, there is only one peer whom I really trust. As for the rest, I don't know.



There are some friends around me, but how many are true friends? It's just that I find it hard whenever I talk about my problems to others. Many people don't see this. Despite that some of my peers are trustworthy, I don't really feel that I could share my deepest thoughts with.



You may say it is weird but that is the truth. Being betrayed by someone is not just being angry and then planning to take revenge on the traitor, but being decieved by someone you trust. Betrayal is like taking care of a white tiger.



Let me tell you a story:

There was once a young girl who took an injured white tiger cub which she found in the forest while strolling around the woods. She took pity of the white tiger, so, she took it home and nursed its wound. The cub soon became friends with her and she decided to keep him as a pet.



As time passed, they spent their time together and the girl was jubilant. She took good caer of him too and the wound soon healed. Soon enough, the white tigher cub grew into a large cat.



Then one day, just one day, he stabbed her in the back, his blade-like claw pierced her heart. The girl's wound was so deep that she bled non-stop. "Why?" the girl asked with her blue watery eyes looking into the white tiger's cold eyes.

The tiger just left. Soon, the girl arrived at the hospital. Fortunately for her, she survived. Though the wound was healed, there would always be a scar that remains, which would remind her of that fateful day.

Well, this is a story that I just made up by myself about betrayal. People would just pretend to be your friend and act like they care about you. But in reality, they are just using you. Like the white tiger just needs someone to look after them. But one day, just one day, when you gave them everything they wanted, they won't appreciate it. They would just backstab you and leave you with nothing but betrayal.

Know whom you really trust.